Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Young Mums; The Stigma

This is not a BR post, obviously. 

Everybody has a different idea of what it is to be a good parent and I'm sure we all know the stigma around teen pregnancies and teen parents. I turnt 20 three months before I gave birth to my daughter so technically was never a teen mum, but I did have a teen pregnancy being 19 for almost my whole pregnancy. I am considered to be a young mum though. I know people will go on about how young mums are looked at but I don't think you will ever quite know how it is unless you've been there. I always knew there were people who didn't agree with people being parents at a young age but I never realised just how 'outcased' people would make you feel. Women are always talking about how difficult it is to bring a child into this world and then take care of that child but those same women will bring somebody else down simply because they feel you are not old enough. I for one think young mums are just like other mums, only we have it a little harder. Not only do we have to look after our child but have to try to build a career at the same time. Now don't get me wrong I'm not moaning, I fully understand the fact that we got pregnant and kept our baby but I think we have it hard enough already without other people making us to feel less of a parent based on our age. There are certain areas in London which when I take my daughter out in other mothers in the street will stop and stare and shake their heads. People assume I must not know who the father of my baby is. I must be living my life on benefits sat around doing nothing, I work part time. I have to take my baby to work with me which is hard enough then when I am not working I am looking after her. Not that there is anything wrong with being on benefits, most mums wont be able to work until their child is old enough to go to nursey. 

This isn't spose to be a rant post or anything, though it has probably turnt out that way. I just sometimes get a little fed up with being judged on my parenting skills based on my age when the truth is a lot of young parents are better parents then older married couples. I just see it as I've had my daughter when I'm abit younger I get to spend more time with her. 

People say it all the time but you really shouldn't judge people, you should be more interested in your own life. 


  1. Sorry you've had to deal with so much judgement hun!

    Pay no attention to those horrible people, instead just enjoy spending time with your precious little one!

  2. Good for you, hun. I don't think age matters in whether you're a good parent or not. My Mum had my brother when she was 16 and had me when she was 20, and faced stigma all her life because of it. Both my brother and I are doing really well now, and I believe my Mum did a fantastic job of raising us, even though she was so young. The one thing my Mum always did say is what you say - that it's so tough to be a mum and establish a career at the same time. But life doesn't always work out neatly like that, and I believe things happen for a reason :) Your little girl is absolutely beautiful and looks very happy, so who gives a damn how old you are! I personally love the fact that I'm turning 22 and my Mum is only 42, it's been great having a young mum :)

    xo Samantha Grace

  3. Thank you both so much for your lovely comments!

    Samantha - Your comment really made me smile! Your mum was a young mum, younger than me and it seems she did a great job. I think its so easy for people to judge when they haven't been there themselfs, and don't know anyone who has. xx

  4. Good post.
    I got pregnant at 16 (gave birth at 17). I didn't want to be pregnant (long story) but I remember walking back from the shop and an old couple passed me. The lady looked me up and down, shook her head and tutted. To be fair I probably did look about 11 with the stupid haircut I had back then but what gave her the right to do that? When I got home I cried until my eyes were sore. From then on I tried not to go out, I didn't want people looking at me and making the same assumptions the old lady had. I was still going to 6th form until the headteacher decided I should take my "maternity leave". I did half of my A level exams and planned on going back after baby was born but I couldn't. With my mum and dad working full time and the babys father not interested I had to stay home.
    I don't regret having my eldest daughter, I love her to bits, I just wish I could have had her older.
    I'm still regarded as a young mum now, even with 3 children. I don't see myself as one though, I feel well experienced and sure I have much more baby knowledge than a childless 40 year old. Age doesn't matter to me (obviously I don't advocate getting pregnant too young) but as long as you are a good mum and do your best, what should age matter?
    When i was in hospital having my third baby the midwife asked me about future contraception. We discussed it, then she said bluntly "you need to use something, you are too young to have three children as it is"... I think the look on my face showed her how I felt about that comment.
    No one has the right to judge..(unless of course they are dole dossing, drug taking scumbags like you get on Jeremy Kyle of course!)
    Woah, long comment, sorry!

    Holli x